|Source: Mikael's Playground|
As I do every year, I take a moment to explore a general focus for the coming year. I don't like to call them resolutions, because resolutions can be broken. But if I have an overarching theme, I feel more comfortable that I will be successful with what I'm working towards.
My major focus for 2015 will be to prioritize my own writing.
I knew when I graduated from Seton Hill that I wasn't going to get the same amount of time to focus on writing--that the ability to devote days and hours to fiction would never again come so easily. Now that I've been out of school for a year (I was actually taking courses at SHU until December 2013 so I could keep my financial aid) I realize I've let my writing fall by the wayside.
Once I started teaching college English composition courses, I stopped working on my own writing and devoted energy--as I realize now, far too much energy--on my students' work. Of course I wish for my students to be successful, but after a couple rough terms, I've found that a lot of the attention I devoted to my students just didn't produce results. Often I spent considerably more time grading a student's paper than the student actually spent writing it, and the majority of my free time was devoted solely to grading. I've learned, especially after the term that just wrapped, that if I do not devote time to my own writing, I will be miserable.
I want to be a productive writer. I have a lot of projects that I've been working on that have hit a standstill because of misplaced energy. I'm working on a fantasy trilogy, a comic series, the score to an animation project, and a short story I want to submit to markets. I also want to self-publish a separate title or two to get more of my work out there while I continue to seek agent representation. And I want to be able to do all of this while I teach at the college.
|"Langston Hughes 1936" by Carl Van Vechten|
I've realized the way I've gone about this has been all wrong. So I know I've got to make my own writing a priority and not turn it into "something I'll do when I have the time." This is how writers fail. And I did not devote decades of my life and thousands of dollars toward my education to fail.
Every time I think of my goals and my life's purpose, I always think of the poet Langston Hughes: "What happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?" I know that if I do not feed my dreams, everything starts to fall apart in one way or another. I've got to keep my dreams nourished, and that means I've got to be strong and carve out time in my life every day to write. I've got to be strong enough not to make excuses and I've got to be strong enough to not feel guilty because I'm writing.
That's my focus for this year. It's been an issue I've struggled with for a while, but since I've left graduate school and started teaching, it feels like it is more urgent that I make writing my priority. I'm going to do it...because if a dream doesn't dry up, then..."does it explode?"
Here's hoping all of you will make time for yourself and your dreams this new year. See you in 2015!